THE 50 Things "You Should Know about Your Spouse" PROJECT

One of the ways I keep myself in a chronic state of low grade anxiety is by keeping a number of half-baked ideas on the back burner (odd metaphor mix?). These ideas are spread all over my computer hard-drive, and when I come across them I think, “I gotta do something with that!” followed immediately by, “I don’t have time to do anything with that!” You know the drill.

However, it dawned on me that you might be able to help me with this one…

I’ve always thought it would be interesting to have a list of, say, 50 questions that a spouse ought to be able to answer about his or her partner if they know each other well. Anyone who does marriage counseling can tell you that couples who are not doing well often complain of not being “seen” or “known” by their spouses. I’ve wondered if it would be possible to establish a correlation between satisfaction in marriage and one’s basic info about one’s spouse (HINT HINT… Anyone looking for a Master’s thesis topic?).

For now, I’m just trying to build said list of questions. The following list comes mostly from me, with additions by some friends. But I need your help with it.

My idea of a great question is one that is very simple to answer in a word or two (What is your spouses’s favorite color? What was the name of your spouse’s most significant relationship prior to you?) Some of the questions on this list don’t fit that criteria.

WOULD YOU SEND ME YOUR IDEAS???? Just email them to me at, or post them in the comments section of the blog.

Also, if you have a sick sense of humor, like me, then you might want to send along some questions that you think would go well on the “Items that didn’t make it” list (i.e., What is your spouses favorite prison? How many DWIs has your spouse beaten? )

Here’s the list as it currently stands:

  1. What is your spouse’s social security number?
  2. In what city was your spouse born?
  3. What is your spouse’s blood type?
  4. What does your spouse feel is his or her greatest personal strength?
  5. What is your spouse’s earliest childhood memory?
  6. Which celebrity does your spouse find most attractive?
  7. What was the most meaningful gift your spouse ever received?
  8. What is the most outrageous, out of character thing your spouse has ever done?
  9. What food does your spouse absolutely hate?
  10. What is your spouse’s favorite food or meal?
  11. What is his/her favorite dessert?
  12. What’s your spouse’s typical position for sleep (left side, right side, back)?
  13. What is your spouse’s favorite pastime activity or favorite hobby?
  14. If your spouse had the job of his/her dreams, what would it be?
  15. Where is your spouse’s favorite vacation spot?
  16. What is your spouse’s political affiliation?
  17. What is your spouse’s primary task at his or her job?
  18. Which sock does your spouse put on first?
  19. Would your spouse say he/she is more like his/her mother or his/her father?
  20. What was your spouse’s favorite childhood pet?
  21. Who was your spouse’s best friend(s) in high school?
  22. Does/Did your spouse have any odd or funny nicknames?
  23. What dates does your spouse remember best?
  24. How many times per month would your spouse like to have sex?
  25. What make & model was your spouse’s first car?
  26. What color was your spouse’s first car?
  27. What was your spouse’s first job?
  28. Who was your spouse’s best friend(s) in college?
  29. What is your spouse’s mother’s maiden name?
  30. What is your spouse’s most enjoyable vacation activity?
  31. What colleges did your spouse apply to other than the one he/she attended?
  32. What is your spouse’s most disturbing recurring dream (or nightmare)?
  33. What is your spouse’s all-time favorite film?
  34. What is your spouse’s most decadent fantasy?
  35. What part of your spouse’s body who he or she say is the his/her most attractive feature?
  36. What is the one thing that your spouse does that annoys you the most?
  37. Could your spouse deal with it if all you could do was cuddle?
  38. How would your spouse describe his or her most pressing sexual frustration?
  39. What is your spouse’s most attainable secret desire or goal?
  40. If your spouse could be any celebrity, who would he or she want to be?
  41. If your spouse could simply wake-up in any part of the world and enjoy a week of exploring, what location would it be (travel cost and time being no object)?

CAN YOU HELP ME WITH A FEW MORE? I’ll post the results right here…

P.S. Can anyone explain why, when I publish this post, that the numbers on the list are replaced by them little flowers?


About Wes Eades

I've been a pastoral counselor, marital therapist, and overall listening ear since about 1989 or so.
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10 Responses to THE 50 Things "You Should Know about Your Spouse" PROJECT

  1. loreelle says:

    (*laughing uproariously @ flower thangs instead of numbers*) sowwy – AHEM!
    Q: (HEY! THERE’s an idea! Change the numbers to “Q” for question until you find out why!!) ok ok ok, ADHD or something…

    Q: Is your spouse satisfied with your views on your financial decisions?

    Q: How does your spouse’s views on charitable acts (Random Acts of Kindness) correspond with your views?

    Q: What is your spouse’s pet peeve about organized religion? Do you share that sentiment?


  2. Karen P says:

    Q: What makes your spouse tick?

    Loreelle says something about ADHD, sooooo

    Q: Is your spouse ADHD? Or does he/she change from one thing to the next at break neck speed?

  3. CBM says:

    I bet the flower things are a part of how your free template was set up. I have issues with my Blogger template having a mind of its own too. You can ask the blogger nerds for help if you don’t know html. Don’t ask me how I know this.

    My brain could use some exercise, so here goes…

    Q: What is your spouse’s favorite flavor of ice cream?

    Q: If money and location were no consideration and your spouse could be/do anything (as in profession), what would it be?

    Q: What household duty does your spouse hate most? (Or same question in the positive)

    Q: Where was your spouse when (fill in the blank)– Kennedy was assassinated, Challenger exploded, twin towers fell, etc.?

    Q: How many bones has your spouse broken?

    Q: Does your spouse have tonsils?
    (I was with friends married 13 yrs recently. Their daughter needs her tonsils out. Wife says, “It’s weird that she has all this trouble. We never had to have OUR tonsils out!” Husband said, “I did, when I was nine.” She was shocked at not knowing this.)

    Q: If you and your family were open to living anywhere, where would your spouse move you?

    Q: What physical traits or his or her own does/did your spouse hope your children do not inherit?

    Q: Do you know your spouse’s cell phone number without looking in your phone?

  4. Siege says:

    Which love language does your spouse speak best? Which love language does your spouse hear best?

  5. Mr. says:

    I don’t get it. What in the world would asking a pre-marital couple and a post-marital couple a question about sexual frequency have to do with each other? A study of inverse proportions perhaps?

  6. Calicorizzo says:

    OK here are questions from a bitter divorced woman. 🙂

    Q. Since graduation from high school or college (or higher), what is the longest period of time that you have been without a job?

    Q. Since graduation how many jobs have you had? Why did you change jobs?

    Q. What adjective should you never use to describe your partner?

    Q. Is there a nickname that others use for you that you hate?

    Q. Tell me about your relationships with your siblings? Are there any deep dark family secrets? Is your sister your mother?

    Q. Tell me what “mental illness” means to you. Are you OK with psych meds and therapy?

    Q. When does your partner want to start a family?

    Q. You are on a sinking ship with your partner and your child. There are 2 life preservers. Who gets them?

    Q. Are you now or have ever been a pilot? (instant disqualification)

    Q. Are you a morning person? (instant disqualification)

    Q. What does the term “foreplay” mean to you?

    Q Did you have a maid growing up?

    Q Did your mother ever pump her own gas?

    I could go on FOREVER with the list of things I wish I had known or wish my spouse had known!

  7. lola says:

    does your spouse like/dislike pets?

    what are the few top reasons your spouse is attracted to you?

    has your spouse ever kept a secret for you? have they kept a secret from you?

    what features make your spouse most proud or happy about him/herself?

    what makes your partner most afraid? what is your response?

    what books has your partner read recently?

    does your partner need to be alone when stressed or do they prefer to be with people?

    what are your favorite mannerisms of your partner?

    what does your partner wish you would do after a particularly stressful day?

    what is the common life goal(s) that keep the both of you together?

    does “we” or “I” surface more frequently when describing your relationship?

    how does your partner show affection?

    what does your partner need from you most?

    does your partner share your views on how the responsibilities of marriage and family are delegated?

    what is your partner’s favorite pizza topping?

    when were you last able to change your partner’s mind about something?

  8. Larry says:

    Calicorizzo, thanks for my morning laugh. “Tell me what ‘mental illness’ means to you!” Here’s what I think someone should know about a prospective spouse:

    Q: How many generations has your family been walking on land?

    Q: Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool?

    Q: How many times are you listed in the DSM-IV?

  9. lola says:

    what is your spouse’s favorite piece of clothing?

    why do/did you and your spouse want to have kids?

    why does your spouse’s favorite band/play/movie make them happy?

  10. cass says:

    Q: How many times did it take for your spouse to pass the written DMV test?

    Q: How many times did it take for your spouse to pass the driving-portion of the DMV test?

    Q: Can your spouse drive a standard trasmission (stick-shift) vehicle?

    Q: Does your spouse play any musical instruments? Which ones?

    Q: How many surgeries has your spouse had since birth?

    Q: Did your spouse ever wear braces?

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