DO YOU KINDLE? If so, would you please part with 99 cents and download my first Kindle “mini-book”experiment? It’s titled Blessing, Grace, and Incarnation: The Foundations of the Spiritual Marriage and Family. I’m looking for additional ways to fund the The Waco Foundation for Mental Health Care, and so your feedback on this first project will help me determine if this is a good place to invest my energy.
Now… picking up from my last entry
Richard Rohr describes an addict as someone who can’t get enough of what he already knows doesn’t work. There’s an addictive process at work in marriage conflict, and it involves our inherent addiction to
- making anxiety go away, no matter what the cost, and
- justifying the choices we make that feed, rather than, diminish the conflict.
A key principle of spiritual formation in virtually all of the world’s great religious traditions is that maturity is found when one moves toward pain and anxiety rather than running from it. Attacking, withdrawing, and abdicating are all methods of running away from the anxiety. And if you find yourself building more and more of a case against your spouse, then you have probably begun to chosen the victim path, and may well be on the way to dipping your toe in the pool of bitterness and revenge.
More on that in my next post…
Questions for Reflection
- What have been the sources of disillusionment in your marriage.
- How have your choices and behaviors fostered disillusionment from your spouse towards you?
- With which if the three destructive styles (Attacker, Withdrawer, Self-Abdicator) do you most relate?
- Which of these styles best describes your parents?
- Are there signs that you are starting to play the victim?